We won't sleep together?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
