If i come over, it means nothing
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
