She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
