She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
