I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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