If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
