the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
