I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
