Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
