i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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