I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
