I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
