D3 body, D1 cock
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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