Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
