Cold hands, warm shart.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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