One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
