there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
