community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
