you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
