so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
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Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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