I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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