I didn't shave. On purpose
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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