I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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