Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
