Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
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Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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