I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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