mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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