Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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