she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
