i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
