My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
