its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
