I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
