We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Less talking, more tequila
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
