he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
