i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
