Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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