so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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