This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
