I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
