ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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