I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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