She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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