last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
