he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
