Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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