I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
