how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
