Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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