i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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