Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
