My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
