Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
pray to the hookup gods
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
