Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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