Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
