I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
