it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
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Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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