I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
