Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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