You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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