The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
