those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
