She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
