i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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