im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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