Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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