goodnight i made you a song goodbye
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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