I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
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Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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