And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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